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RoboGoGoRobo

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I'm finally in a safe situation and adjusting to a new life. I hope things go better soon.

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It's all going so badly this year. I'm about to be evicted and I need to figure out how get whole bunch of money and move to somewhere I can afford. I've been so depressed and stressed. I need to find a permanent way out of poverty.

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Thank you all for all the kindness and support ๐ŸŽ‚

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I've been extremely depressed for months. I think my biggest anxiety might come from extreme rejection sensitivity stemming from undiagnosed autism. I've gotten a lot of rejection and stress when it comes to money. People have always rejected me for being too poor, and it's really scarred my psyche. I have a lot of fear posting on sites like Patreon and SubscribeStar since those site put the finances front and center, even before the social aspects. I don't feel like I can be loved as it is, but that design just makes my issues so much worse.


I was keeping a good schedule this year. More comics done, more consistently than in the past decade, but even still, my comics have been doing worse than ever, while my popularity and traffic had been waning the more effort I put in.


I've been extremely fearful this year, and I keep lying to myself that optimism will win the day. It's time to just face the facts: this world is collapsing and I might just be another casualty of it. Another body in the streets for others to step over to try to keep their day going, as they're one missed bill, one medical emergency away from the streets too. No one wants me in human regard, and I've been lonelier than ever. The only thing people have wanted to use me for was my artistic abilities, but I'm not good enough for that either. I'll never have a family, and no one will ever romantically love me. I've lost the past 10 years. Gone, with only emotional scars and eternal poverty to show for it. I don't think I'll last to the end of this year. I need so much help and love that no one person could ever fulfill, but I'm also not worth loving. I try to be optimistic, but it's a lie for other people's behalf.


Toxic optimism is just another form of abuse anyways. I need real, material changes and real, material stability. No more optimistic lies that don't address the real troubles I'm in. Ignoring our systemic problems is getting vulnerable people actually killed. Toxic optimism is just turning into another form of eugenics. Most people will "survive", but many on the bottom rungs are not. I'm sick of being condescended to and dismissed.


I've been dreaming ways to lift myself up, but I fundamentally don't believe I'm worth the effort, and I fundamentally believe I have nothing to offer.


I think this mentality was from unaddressed abusive parenting, coupled with abusive schools and workplace environments that have reinforced my feelings of worthlessness. People have always rejected me for the slightest things, but especially for not having enough money. I feel like I get punished severely for the smallest of slights. I feel I've always been one of those who others love to see fall. Everyone loves to try to make me feel stupid. You people have already won, though. I can't do anything right.


I need actual emotional nurturing, and I need to feel like I'm wanted as a person. I want to turn my life around. I've wanted to since my childhood. I've always wished to be someone else, and I've tried so hard to not be me. I've tried my best, and my best has always been met with punishment, rejection, and indifference. I have a hard time reaching out because I feel the slightest wrong I make will end another friendship and lead to more abandonment. I'm very needy in all regards, and I need so much help. I'm trying my best to be worthy of it. I'll never good enough for the bare minimum.

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New pages for the 13th Day of Random comic are done, and I just need to get them up for everyone to see. It'll be 107 pages-strong soon. I'll be continuing the 12-page rotation per comic, and the Prison of Kahok is next up. Lynda is getting quite deep in now.


I've gotten a Link Tree going to make it easier to get to my other pages and other very not safe for work stuff that I can't put here. My Itaku hit the 400-image mark as I try to catch it up to this site a bit, and very notably, my free Secret Comics are up and going there too. Make sure to turn off the "NSFW" and "Questionable" filters. I still believe in posting free art for all, because we need some good squishy fun. I'll continue doing that as I can. It's been rough for a long while, and I thank everyone for your love and support you've given me for all this time.

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